by Neil Bauman, Ph.D.
A man wrote:
For the last 10 or so years I have noticed a decline in my hearing. This year when I went to get tested, it was 55 dB in each ear.
A question I have is when I talk everyone says that I’m yelling at them, but to me I’m just talking. I stop and think there is no way I’m yelling. They tell me I cannot hear myself talk so I say things a lot louder, is that possible?
Very much so. You don’t hear your own voice as loud as you used to, so you speak up so you hear your voice at its accustomed volume. “Yelling” is a bit of an overstatement—but since you are definitely talking louder than normal, many people call it “yelling”. However, we know that we are not truly yelling because we know the effort it takes to really yell, and we are not doing that!
By the same token, when you get hearing aids, just the opposite can happen. Your amplified voice now seems so loud in your ears that you drop your voice and talk much softer than normal. People now have trouble hearing you. Fortunately, in time, you get used to how loud your voice should sound, and all will be well.
I work as a trail guide and i have gotten a few bad reviews. The guests are stating i yell at them.
I have hearing aides but find them hard to wear at the barn. They get so dusty and caked with crud
How do i get people and boss to understand this is me?
Ive tried to control it
Its like trying to change how you breathe!
Hi Lynne:
Some people just naturally talk louder than others. And when you have a hearing loss, you tend to talk louder so you can hear your own voice. To some people, it sounds like you’re yelling at them. That seems to be what is happening to you.
The first thing you need to do is to be upfront about your hearing loss. Let people know you can’t hear your own voice well and so you tend to talk louder, and that you are not yelling at them. It is just your natural hard of hearing voice.
Second, learn to control the volume of your voice. The way to do this is to notice how much effort you put into speaking when you are wearing your hearing aids. Then, when you’re not wearing your hearing aids and are out in the barn or wherever, use that same amount of effort to produce speech in those conditions. It will take some practice, but you can do that. You just constantly have to be aware of how much effort you’re putting into your voice at all times.
Cordially,
Neil
I go through this all the time too. I lost 2 Grants over these false conceptions too , that I was “ yelling” at them when I was not. I don’t have thousands of $$ for the RX pair of Hearing AIDS with Tinnitus control that I need.
Hi Barbara:
As I said in this article, you need to learn to regulate your voice so people don’t perceive you as yelling. Be upfront with people. You could have defused the situations you mentioned by telling those present ahead of time you can’t hear your voice well (or at all) and so tend to talk too loud. Ask them to signal to you (show them a hand signal they can discretely use to let you know to talk softer) when you are talking too loudly.
Another possibility is to use your smart phone as a sound meter (there are lots of free sound meter apps) and make sure your voice doesn’t go above a given level. If you don’t know what the level should be, put your phone in front of one (or more) of the other people when they are talking and see what the average sound level is. Then put it the same distance in front of yourself and keep your voice so it reads about the same.
So there are some things you can (and should) do to help you regulate your voice so you are not accused of yelling when you’re not.
Cordially,
Neil
Another issue I experienced was w/ Otitis Media infection, my Tinnitus got so bad in one ear, that it woke me up , my left ear sounded like a water faucet was running . I couldn’t tell if it was the Tinnitus gotten worse during the Otitis Media, or did I really accidentally leave a water faucet running in my apartment?! I had to get up & check all my faucets . Turned out to be the Tinnitus got much worse during the Otitus Media.
ALSO NOBODY WANTS TO PUT IN WRITING, the terrible exhaustion an untreated Hearing Loss causes ! & the Ear Pain from always straining to hear. I had Meneire’s Disease Of Both Ears when I was 17 hrs.old, that’s when the never ending Tinnitus started. It’s both ringing & buzzing, both ears. I have problems w/background noise, even the hum of computers &/fans is background noise to me. My Tinnitus got so bad that when I try going to sleep, it always sounds like anxfqn or an air conditioner is running on low , when it is not!
Hi Barbara:
An easy way to tell whether a given sound is your tinnitus (or other phantom sound) or is a real sound is to block your ears. If the sound stays the same loudness, you know it is all inside your head (tinnitus). If it suddenly stops or is much softer, you know it is a real sound.
Uncorrected hearing loss IS exhausting. I’ve said this lots of times. Straining to hear all the time is exhausting. Straining to hear while wearing hearing aids is also exhausting. When I was at BCIT, we had 8 hours of classes a day (just like a regular work day) and by the time I got home I’d have supper and go to bed often around 7:30 PM. What college student goes to bed that early? But that is what I needed to do as I was exhausted from straining to hear all day. I only ever did essential homework–what had to be turned in–as I was just too tired to do it.
I needed to be well rested and alert for the next day’s classes. It must have worked because of all the people in my technology (who had normal hearing), it was me (the guy with the severe hearing loss) that received the silver medal for academic excellence in my technology.
It is normal to hear your tinnitus louder an night when all is quiet so it stands out more. Fan noise is actually one way of partially masking tinnitus, so I don’t see why you had so much trouble with your tinnitus when it sounded like fan noise.
Cordially,
Neil
I go through this all the time too. I lost 2 Grants over these false conceptions too , that I was “ yelling” at them when I was not. I don’t have thousands of $$ for the RX pair of Hearing AIDS with Tinnitus control that I need. The added issues of Hearingloss exhaustion, background noise ( for me even the hum of fans, air fonditioners/ computers humming is background noise that interferes. The terrible I Ear Pain from always straining to hear. Can’t wear headphones, I wake up hours later w/ searing ear pain. I had Ménière’s disease of both ears when I was 17 yrs. old, that’s when the never ending Tinnitus began. Some incorrect Osteopath asked if was Psychiatric , NO it was not & I was furious!
Just a thought in addition to the article, but I think some cases where people are told to stop yelling at someone they might be referring to an escalation in conflict either through tone, sharpness of voice, even word choice and postures. The modern vernacular of yell is quite different than it’s literal definition and is often used not to convey volume but a perceived verbal aggression or insult
Hi Michael:
I totally agree with you how it may be used by the general population. But amongst the hard of hearing population, we use the word “yelling” in its original meaning of talking much too loudly–at least that’s how we perceive it.
Cordially,
Neil
It’s fascinating, isn’t it? Some people who have a mild hearing loss tend to speak loudly, and it can sometimes make others feel uneasy.
You say ‘learn how to regulate your voice’. This means effectively ‘learn how to talk without hearing your own tone, inflection or delivery and go into conversations ‘blind’ so other people are comfortable’. Well thanks for that!
Why are we being told to sacrifice our comfort for the comfort of others?
We don’t expect someone who needs a wheelchair to remain stationery in a corner just to make others feel more comfortable maneuvering around them. So why are those with hearing loss that is too mild to benefit from a hearing aid told to ‘learn how to’ regulate their voices and endure the discomfort of not being able to hear themselves speak JUST to accommodate others’ comfort?
Why do you think your advice in this regard is appropriate?
Hi Leah:
If you have a conductive hearing loss from things such as otosclerosis, you tend to speak more quietly. However if you have the more common sensorineural hearing loss, you tend to speak louder.
You can learn to regulate your voice, especially if you watch body language. If the person you are speaking with leans in, you are probably talking too softly for him to hear you comfortably. And by the other token, if he leans away or moves back, you are likely talking too loud.
It is the kind thing not to make other uncomfortable, and if they have sound sensitivity, they could be perceiving your speech as so loud it hurts. So you have to be sensitive to other people’s needs–and not just focus on your own. That’s just plain selfish.
You need to “negotiate” with the other person and come to a mutual understanding.
Cordially,
Neil
You will also note your idea of what ‘yelling’ is, is incorrect.
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/yell
“to shout something or make a loud noise, usually when you are angry, in pain, or excited”
Talking in a slightly louder voice than the norm ‘expected’ is NOT yelling and it is very hurtful to be accused of yelling and shouting when one is merely just louder than expected.
I can show people what yelling and shouting is for clarity.
It is RUDE to be accused of this and people need educating to stop using these terms in this context.
Hi Leah:
I agree that being told you are yelling when you are just talking louder than most people is indeed hurtful. You KNOW you are not yelling, but to others, that is how they perceive it.
It is much nicer if the person, instead of saying “stop yelling” says, “please talk a bit softer”. We know we talk a bit louder than normal, so a kind reminder to tone it down a bit should be welcome, and we should do that.
It’s the same principle as when you can’t quite hear a person, you order, “Quit mumbling” when they are talking at a normal level. They don’t like that either. What you should say is, “Please speak up a bit because I have a hearing loss.”
Cordially,
Neil