by Neil Bauman, Ph.D. with Eleanor (Ellie)
Many people are too embarrassed to wear their hearing aids, or even get hearing aids in the first place. This should not be. You should be no more embarrassed over wearing hearing aids than you are embarrassed over wearing eyeglasses. Eyeglasses let you see better. Hearing aids let you hear better. Neither one is cause for embarrassment. I wear both.
When you let your embarrassment have the upper hand, it controls your life. It doesn’t have to be this way. Here is Ellie’s story of how she overcame her embarrassment over wearing her hearing aids.
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I am 17 years old and have been wearing hearing aids my entire life. When I was young I didn’t think anything of it. Hearing aids were part of my everyday routine- I’d put them on as soon as I woke up and pretty much forget about them for the rest of the day.
When I was in middle school things changed. I grew more and more self-conscious. I started wearing looser ponytails so hair would fall down and cover my ears. If my battery died, I’d go into the bathroom to change it so no one else would see.
Freshman year of high school, it got worse. On my third day of school I had a meeting with all of my teachers to explain my hearing loss to them and to inform them of the accommodations I required. I don’t think I said a single thing in that meeting, I was too embarrassed.
I grew more and more self-conscious. I constantly worried that no one wanted to be friends with me because I wore hearing aids. I started being shy and was afraid to talk to new people in my class. I would do whatever I could to prevent people from noticing my hearing aids.
In the beginning of November I had my first swim practice. I have been swimming my entire life so I joined my high school’s swim team. On that day, despite my protests, my mom walked into practice with me and told the coach that I might miss a few things while in the water.
My face turned bright red and I couldn’t look my coach in the eye. I knew my mom was doing what was best for me, but that didn’t help me feel better.
My embarrassment about my hearing aids got worse. I have always wanted to learn sign language, but didn’t want to join the Sign Language Club at school because I was afraid it would draw attention to the fact that I wore hearing aids.
One day I was fed up with myself. My hearing aid battery had died right in the middle of class and I had no idea what my teacher was saying. It took a lot of convincing, my I finally talked myself into changing the battery in the middle of class.
In reality, I don’t think a single person noticed, but my heart was pounding and I furtively glanced around to make sure no one was looking at me.
After that day, I slowly began to turn back into the confident person I used to be in grade school. I began accepting who I was. I even watched YouTube videos about the benefits of having hearing aids and I listed them all in a notebook.
One day I asked my friend what, if anything, she would change about herself if she could. She answered me, honestly, and with my heart pounding I decided I was going to tell her the truth.
I still remember feeling terrified when I confided in my friend that until recently, I would have wanted to get rid of my hearing aids. Saying that out loud, admitting it helped me feel so much better. I felt so relieved.
I slowly grew more confident with my hearing aids. I began to stop caring if people were watching me when I changed my battery, or when I took them off for swim practice. I even took a sign language class at a local community college with my friend.
This past year I admitted my old feelings of embarrassment about my hearing aids to a few of my friends. One of my friends said to me, “Oh wait, I totally forgot you wore hearing aids.” It was 3 AM and no one saw my huge smile as a few tears fell down my face. I wasn’t crying because I was so happy that my friends didn’t notice my hearing aids, I was crying because I had finally realized my hearing aids didn’t define me.
This morning I had my senior pictures taken. The photographer asked me if I wanted to remove my hearing aids so they wouldn’t show in the pictures. I politely declined. My hearing aids are a part of who I am and I am proud of who I am.
The moral of this story: it’s okay to be embarrassed when you’re getting used to you hearing aids. People say that all you have to do is put them in, but it’s not that simple.
The older you are, the more likely it is for other people your age to be wearing hearing aids. However, if you’re a teenager and are not a part of the Deaf community, you may only know one or two people your age that wear hearing aids.
Change isn’t easy, but it is necessary. If you’re hard of hearing and do not choose to learn sign language, you should wear hearing aids. They have helped me get where I am today.
I have been able to do everything I wanted to do in my life, thanks to them. I don’t plan on ever letting them hold me back in the future.Remember, people love you for who you are and wearing two little hearing aids won’t ever change that.
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If Ellie can get over her embarrassment about wearing her hearing aids and regain control of her life, you can do it too! Thanks for your encouraging story Ellie.
Thank you for your essay Ellie. I’m 50 yrs old and suddenly needed hearing aids. I wear them all the time, even most of the time when I am alone! But, I am still embarrassed. I don’t think people notice them much, under my very messy hair :-\, but it is still hard. I don’t know anyone else who wears hearing aids, I wish I did! Except for one of my children’s friends who is 9 yo and has hearing aid covers to match her every outfit. She makes me feel much better–she thinks her hearing aids are a fashion accessory! I am happy to hear you included your hearing aids in your portrait. I include mine too, although more because I don’t want the embarrassment of taking them out and they are really not so noticeable…
i felt the same way but in my late 40s no one knew but my family and i wished they did not know, we were on vacation and one of my hearing aid just died yes we were on vacation with 5 families that were my friends they all got on there phone and called places that repaired hearing aids, i cried not because they all knew, or for happiness because they all loved me and wanted to help me fixed the problem i had
hearing aid squealed in church i was so embarrassed when son told me it was squealing i took them out and heard nothing the pastor had to say i guess it is called feed back hearing aids are embarrassing . i am deaf to say the least . some people make a big deal of it and covered their ears . I was so taken back i doubt i will attend church again.
Hi Janet:
Don’t stop going to church because of your hearing aids feeding back and squealing. You can do several things to prevent this in the future. First, make sure your ear molds are in tightly. If they get lose they can cause feedback. All you have to do is push them in tighter with your fingers and if the squealing stops you know the problem. This can also happen if your ear molds are getting too loose. The solution is then to have new ear molds made.
Second, make sure you don’t have wax in your ear canals. If you have too much wax, it can cause feedback too.
Third, if your hearing aids are squealing, then they are not adjusted properly. If you can’t hear them squealing, then your audiologist should adjust them so you don’t get any amplification in the higher frequencies that you obviously can’t hear anyway. That can greatly reduce the risk of feedback.
Fourth, most new hearing aids have anti-feedback built in. Perhaps it is not turned on or adjusted properly. Have your audiologist or hearing aid dispenser check this out.
Finally, if you have old hearing aids without feedback control built-in, perhaps you should consider getter new hearing aids.
One or more of these should stop your feedback problems so you can go to church again without embarrassment.
Cordially,
Neil
I’m 13 and just been diagnosed as deaf,I have a little bit of hearing left but in getting hearing aids, I’m ashamed of being deaf
Hi Abi:
Why are you ashamed of being deaf, or more accurately, hard of hearing? People are not ashamed of wearing glasses in order to see more clearly, so why be ashamed of wearing hearing aids in order to hear better? Remember that wearing hearing aids is LESS noticeable than not wearing them and making off the wall comments because you misheard something, or being thought stuck-up because you ignore people talking to you.
Cordially,
Neil
I turn 61 tomorrow and received my hearing aids two weeks ago for a mild/moderate hearing loss due to permanent nerve damage. I avoided the audiologist for over 10 years until my issues were too noticeable for me to ignore at work. My heart was pounding when I went for the appointment and I have to admit I feel “defective” right now but I am sure once I get used to all these new “noises” I will be far more comfortable talking with and to people. I didn’t know I was so vain, so embarrassed to mark this change in my aging body, and so sure my downward spiral had begun. NOT AT ALL! You can’t even see the dumb things in my ear and they are so comfortable I don’t even know they are there except I can now hear people talking 20 feet away, the rain on my driveway, the TV at a reasonable volume, and comfort in knowing I finally did the right thing even thought it was excrutiatingly difficult to admit I needed help. I’m still a strong, independent woman who now acknowledges her hearing isn’t the best any more! Go out and conquer, peeps. It’s not as bad as you think!!!
I am 62 tomorrow and my ‘birthday present ‘ is hearing aids! I am not happy and feel old today so will have to get used to it. Good to know I am among others !
I am 16 yrs old and wears a BTE hearing aid. I am afraid of wearing them and is growing my hairs so that I could hide it. I am conscious about the fact that what others with think. I want to buy cic hearing aid as soon as possible!!
Hi Apratim:
You are basically worrying about things for nothing. Most people won’t even notice your hearing aid–but they DO notice that you can’t hear and respond inappropriately when you don’t wear your hearing aid.
Modern hearing aids hide in plain sight. Just to show you. I need to wear my hearing aids when around people or else I just can’t hear much at all–I’m functionally deaf. It’s no secret I am very hard of hearing. One day I was talking with a person that knew I’m so hard of hearing. He looked at me intently and asked, “Aren’t you wearing your hearing aids?” I assured him I was, and he still couldn’t see them–that’s how visible my BTE aids are–and I can’t hide them in my hair as I am bald! So all this worry is basically for nothing.
It’s YOUR perception that they are visible. If you just act normally most people will never even know you are wearing a hearing aid.
The purpose of a hearing aid is to help you hear better–not to be invisible!
Cordially,
Neil
Thank you for your kind words.
Now, I always feel motivated to wear hearing aids.. but when I see others.. there is always one question in my mind that why this happened to me!? I do not see anyone else wearing it. I have moderately severe hearing loss at such a young age.
But I am lucky that I have got a sharp mind and I am persuing science in 11th. I scored 95% in class 10th despite all my difficulties.
Hi Apratim:
Questioning, “Why me?” is basically a waste of time. It’s just life. Unless you know you did something stupid to cause your hearing loss–then you know the answer and don’t have to ask it. Just accept that you, like me, have hearing problems. I was born this way due to a genetic cause–but my sister wasn’t. She had great hearing. Why me and not her? Who cares? We just have to be the best hard of hearing people we can be. And she might have asked, “Why me?” before she died of leukemia 25 years ago. If that was the alternative, I’ll take being a live hard of hearing person any day! Why me, indeed!
You have a right to be proud–achieving 95% in spite of not hearing well. That takes hard work. I’ve been there–done that. I’m proud of you too!
Cordially,
Neil
I have senseroneural moderately severe hearing loss due to infection in my childhood. I am quite worried about my future as I sometimes get demotivated.
I have also a fear that my hearing loss may not increase. Do wearing hearing aids control hearing loss?
I.was recently diagnosed.with significant hearing loss. I hate the hearing aids. They are Bluetooth and when the.phone updates or gets some signal it chimes in the hearing aids. I hate this and even though the Bluetooth can be turned off it still chimes. I’ve been trying to make them part of day to day life but patience runs short and the awareness of their constant physical presence is uncomfortable and ultimately unacceptable. I have not accepted any invitations to return to audiologist for questions or follow up. I just don’t want them at all.
Hi Mike:
You typically have 30 days to return your hearing aids and get your money back. If you don’t like these aids, get your money back and try some hearing aids that don’t have bluetooth and all the bells and whistles you hate. I wear plain hearing aids–not all the fancy stuff. Maybe you’ll like them much better.
You need to become friends (or at least tolerate) your hearing aids and use them when they help you hear better. When they don’t help you (and make everything a cacophony of sound), that is when you either turn them down, use them in conjunction with assistive listening devices or take them off–whatever works for you in that situation.
It takes time to become friends with your hearing aids. Maybe it’ll never happen. I’ve worn hearing aids for more than 60 years and they still “bug” me. But I wear them when I need to so I can hear.
Do what works best for you.
Cordially,
Neil
Hi
I am 29, today I visited the audiologist for a hearing test. I been having hearing issues for nearly two years. Today my audiologist said if I could processed with my life without any ”external” aid, then I should forget about the test and go for a coffee. I could not help not to cry, it’s not as simple as it may seem to accept the fact that I need an aid to hear people better or understand what is being said around me and I am left to make the decision myself. Part of me thinks I could go without them ”sometimes”, and the other part says no! What would my parents think or feel, my colleagues are just another story! ”Oh working in this call center had made you deaf so fast?” I also think if I ever become dependable on them, I stand less chances of getting a new job in the future, as employers in this part of the world would never want to hire somebody that wears them and yes you have to mention in any form upon hiring such medical issues.
Hi Candy:
What kinds of hearing issues are you having? I need to know more about them before I can give you good advice.
Yes, you can get along without hearing aids, but you will also miss a lot and that may affect your job. Wearing hearing aids in the right conditions will make hearing/understanding other people so much easier and less stressful.
You do not have to wear hearing aids all the time if you don’t want to. My policy is to wear them when they help me and take them off in conditions where they don’t help.
Working in call centers can be hard of the ears. In fact, acoustic shock syndrome was first identified in call center workers.
If you have to disclose any medical conditions, then you’d have to tell prospective employers that you have a hearing loss whether you wear hearing aids or not, wouldn’t you?
But if you wear your hearing aids–assuming they help you–you can then say, “I have a hearing loss”, and in the same breath say “but that won’t be a problem because my hearing aids help me hear almost normally” (assuming that is the case). By doing so, you alleviate your prospective employer’s fears that you won’t be able to do the job because you can’t hear well. Show them that you have initiative to solve your hearing problems as they come up so hearing isn’t an issue.
Cordially,
Neil
Hi , can you advise how hearing aids work in a teaching environment? I am considering studying teaching next year. However I feel my hearing is getting worse. I do not wear a hearing aid yet. I was told a few years ago I had hearing loss but I felt at the time I was ok. I am waiting for a further appointment and will accept a hearing aid this time. I’m just worried teaching might not be compatible?
Hi Sandra:
Hearing aids work no differently in a teaching environment than they do in any other environment. The more background noise there is, the less useful hearing aids by themselves are. Furthermore the milder the hearing loss, the closer hearing aids will bring you to near normal hearing.
If your hearing is going in both ears, then you should get two hearing aids not just one. The difference is amazing and you understand much better with two ears hearing the words rather than just one. I hate using my hearing aids now with only one. It sounds so bad, I almost always take the other one off. However when I started out, they only typically wore one hearing aid so that’s all I had. After doing that for 20 years or so, I got a second hearing aid. it took a while for me to get used to wearing the second hearing aid but once I did, it made so much difference that, as I said, I don’t like wearing one by itself at all now.
hearing aids are not perfect so you will find that they work best in quiet environments when you are close to the speaker. The noisier the environment and the further you are from the speaker the less well your hearing aids will work for you. Thus, if I was teaching a class and somebody in the back of the room wanted to ask a question typically I would walk up the aisle to where the student was so I am close to him or her. However in my case, because I am a good speechreader I can often combine what my hearing aids pick up with what my eyes see in speechreading and figure out what the person is saying.
There are lots of tricks that you can use to help supplement your hearing aids. Therefore, if you want to be a teacher go for it. Don’t let your hearing loss stop you.
Cordially,
Neil